As a woman struggling with infertility, baby envy is one of my biggest flaws. Being so desperate to be a mother seemingly makes you jealous of anyone who is already or is expecting.
But not all my baby envy is the same… It all depends on the situation.
1) The ‘I’m happy for you but sad for me’ type
This one tends to happen when a family member or close friend has a child. I can be really happy for someone, I am capable of that but that won’t stop the big green monster lingering in the back ground.
I never admit to these people that I’m unhappy though, I tend to just wait until I’m alone to cry over it. I also don’t like being asked if I’m okay with it, it makes me feel guilty for not being okay. Let me be happy for you and grieve for myself in private.
2) The ‘you don’t deserve it’ type
Living in the area I live in, a lot of the people I know who are too fertile for their own good have had children taken off them because they’re too irresponsible to take care of them (there are always certain exceptions to this though).
The ones who neglect their children or abuse them really anger me. Even if I don’t know them and they are just people I’ve seen in the news
Why are they allowed ovaries that work and I’m not when I’m perfectly capable of being a mother?
3) The ‘single mother complex’
This is one that it took me a long time to realize I had. I have trust issues when it comes to a man I can see a future with and a single mother who insists is just a friend.
I don’t think their is anything wrong with being a single mother, don’t get me wrong. It’s a self confidence issue as I feel no man would fight my infertility with me if he has better/easier choices elsewhere.
This issue is stemmed from feeling like less of a woman because of my infertility and being envious of those who have children.