For some of us, Mother’s Day is hard. For me there is constant reminder of what I have missed out on, what PCOS has taken away from me.
If I had the choice, I would cancel Mother’s Day. Hide away for the day and ignore everything leading up to it. But I can’t and I stay an endure.
Throughout the years I have developed own my self-care for Mother’s Day which I that work for me.
I’m not the only person who deals with sadness and loss during this time. There are various reasons for the same. I mainly struggle with two issues, baby loss and toxic relationships.
There are people who have toxic relationships with their mothers, but with the constant societal reminder they should celebrate Mother’s Day. This level of trauma isn’t often acknowledged, and if you have and are struggling but I see you sister.
As a South Asian woman, mothers are supposed to be at the forefront of family. The person you turn too. I unfortunately never had that. My toxic relationship with my mother started due to my PCOS.
Sad isn’t it. It’s a medical condition I had no control over. Yet is contributed to the breakdown of many relationships around me.
I didn’t know what was happening to my body, my weight and even growing facial hair. I was teased at school and then bullied at home. I was often told I would never amount to anything. This was simply due to my size. To those who really think PCOS had not impact on your well being – you are wrong. It does. My size always held me back, my mother felt it was my fault. I tried every fad and crash diet, I went for runs, when my friends were playing out. Yet I still got told that no one would marry me like this. Body shaming became normal in my childhood and household.
On top of dealing with this, I had to deal with the medical side effects of PCOS.
When I eventually got married, it was arranged, and I’m still with him now. He doesn’t really care about the PCOS. He doesn’t understand it. He just feels if I lose weight that I’ll magically have a baby. I wish it was that easy. He gets support and sympathy from his family for being with the barren girl. I haven’t had anyone, until I came across Cysters. I’m more hopeful now, plus i’ve learnt things about my PCOS that I was never told by my GP.
As much as the Asian community say they accept and understand PCOS they don’t. There is still a lot of myths and stigma related to the symptoms of PCOS, such as the hair, weight gain, acne and hair loss.
I wish someone had explained to us, whether in the community or school what PCOS was and how much it can change your life.
I realised that my own experiences with baby loss and toxic relationships, made me bitter and withdraw. After counselling and support I realised that we can’t let these toxic bonds and trauma destroy us. We must understand for our own mental wellbeing that we need to get rid of these relationships. But I understand this can be hard.
Every survivor must decide for themselves their own boundaries. Some decide to continue these relationships whilst others have limited contact. I am still on this journey.
I’ve chosen to accept what has happened – nothing can change that. But I can choose how I am treated in the future.
So how do I continue to survive and thrive during Mother’s Day
- I remember that there is always something or someone in my life I am grateful for. Enjoying those who are with me now keeps me grounded
- Treat yourself. If you need to spend some time away go do it.
- Acknowledge the amazing women in your life. Nurture those women.
- If you feel the need to send a card on Mother’s Day – try sending one with a blank message.
- Have a digital detox. You don’t have to see all the happy Mother’s Day posts and have a day off.
If you struggle too – just know I see you, appreciate and love you. We got this Cysters.
